Assisted Therapy
by LoveBackwards
Summary: Modern One-Shot. Coming home when he had to study for college wasn't Renkotsu's best idea. An even worse idea was letting Kikyou and Kouga be his first test-subjects as a soon-to-be-therapist. -No Pairing; Rated for Safety-


Renkotsu sighed as he read through one of the many books that were stacked on the coffee table. Random papers with notes laid scattered in the space where there were no books and he tried to focus.

Coming home for the weekend from college was a mistake. He should've wasted till he finished his exams so he wasn't so stressed. Lucky for him, however, Bankotsu, Jakotsu, and Suikotsu were out so he had the house to himself to study. Despite the dead silence, he couldn't focus.

He was almost _waiting_ for an interruption as his mind flooded with the thoughts of the friends he was expected to visit, his girlfriend who didn't even know he was here yet, and all the class dues that had been mailed here that his brothers hadn't told him about. He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes, ready to try to focus again.

Just as he started reading, the door swung open and he jumped as he looked up. Kikyou's eyes lit up as she practically mauled him on the couch for a hug.

"Renkotsu!" She chimed and he smiled a bit as he caught his breath.

"Hello, Kikyou." He patted her back and gently pushed her off.

"You so shoulda called me because me and Naraku just got smoothies because we're all home because we came home with Sessh only he was studying like a loserrr." She said quickly and he just stared and nodded.

"Right."

"So whatcha' doin?" She peeked over to the coffee table and gagged. "Bleh, schoolwork." She scrunched her nose.

"Yes, Kikyou, I'd like to actually pass." He sighed.

"If at first you don't succeed, it don't hurt to smoke some weed." She winked and he sighed. "Does Tsubakslut know you're in?" She asked and he twitched.

"No, _Tsubaki_ doesn't know I'm in." He corrected with a glare and she ignored it.

"Ah, she's your girl man." She laid back on the couch and he sighed and nodded, missing her company along with Naraku and Sesshomaru's, but he had to make sure he studied first, because once he hung out with them, he would end up slacking with them. "Got weed?" She sat up and he shook his head.

"Not right now, Kikyou, I'm studying." He leaned back on the couch and focused on his book. She rolled her eyes and pulled the cigarette that was tucked behind his ear. She lit it and took a drag.

"Whatcha's studying?" She leaned on him and he shrugged. She scoffed and snatched the book from his hands. He stared at her as she read it. "Oh yeah, you're going to school for psychology." She patted his head.

"Mhm, now give it back." He held his hand out for the book.

"Have you had any practice?" She grinned.

"With what?" He blinked.

"Y'know…solving people's problems?" She asked.

"Not yet…just the book stuff." He shrugged, oblivious to the mischievous thoughts.

"I can help you!" She clapped and he blinked.

"With…ooh…no, no." He shook his head.

"Aw, c'mon, it's like training." She smiled sweetly.

"Kikyou, I know you and you'll name very un-normal problems." He explained.

"Pleasee?" She drawled out. "It'll benefit you." She winked.

"Kikyou…"

"Member that Halloween I made you dress like Squidward?" She asked and he stared.

"…why?"

"I have picturesss." She shrugged and he rubbed his temples.

"Fine…"

"Ok." She sat across from him and took in a deep breath.

"Make this quick."

"Ok, my turtle died." She bit her bottom lip as she started the role-play and he arched his brow.

"Kikyou, it has to be more serious than…"

"It is serious! He was all I ever had that loved me!" She buried her face in her hands and he sighed and pinched the spot between his eyes.

"You cannot expect me to take this seriously…"

"So….you don't care?" She looked up and blinked with a saddened gazed.

"You're scaring me…" He slowly scooted away.

"You don't! I knew it! You and my mom and sister and boyfriend, nobody cares!" She dramatically faked a sob and he groaned.

"No, no…I care…" He responded dryly, attempting to go along with it.

"You…do?" She sniffled and wiped her eyes.

"Yeah…" He sighed.

"You're lying!" She pointed an accusing finger at him and shrieked, causing him to jump.

"No, I do, honest!"

"You're just lying to get my hopes up so the second I believe you, you can crush. My. Dreams." She whispered darkly.

"Whoa…"

"I'm gunna go kill myself now!" She buried her face back in her hand.

"Uh…Kikyou?" He bit his bottom lip.

"You did it! You made me realize my life was worthless!" She cried and he leaned back on the couch.

"You're life isn't worthless…" He whispered in an irritated voice.

"Yes it is! You didn't even care about McArthur!"

"Who?" He stared at her.

"McArthur my turtle! He cared, you don't!" She yelled.

"Look…" He sighed.

"No, you look; I'm going home and overdosing on vitamins!" She sobbed and he just gawked at her in disbelief.

"Vitamins?"

"Yeah!"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He scratched his head.

"No, you watch! I'm gunna die and it'll be all your fault!"

"They don't even kill you!" He snapped.

"Why are you yelling at me?" She whimpered and he groaned.

"Whoa…" Kouga blinked and they both looked up.

"How long…you been standing there?" Renkotsu asked nervously.

"Around…the time the vitamins were mentioned…." He stared at them both.

"Why are you even here?" Kikyou asked in her usual tone, no longer being overly dramatic.

"Uh…lookin' for Bankotsu…you ok?"

"I'm helping Ren be a therapist!" She explained excitedly.

"…ah." He nodded.

"We're done now, Bankotsu's out." Renkotsu waved his hand and Kouga nodded before turning to leave.

"Wait!" Kikyou called and they both looked over. "Ren, you gunna do couple's therapy?"

"…I think…wait…" Renkotsu went to correct himself to end his torture but Kikyou cut him off.

"Kouga be my bitch, I mean, _husband_!" She called.

"Ew, fuck no!" He scrunched his nose.

"C'mon, it'd really help Ren." She fake-pouted.

"No, trust me..." Renkotsu went to defend himself again.

"Fuck Ren." Kouga scoffed.

"Yo…" Renkotsu sighed.

"You could talk shit on me!" She explained with her grin again and he arched his brow and thought about it.

"How much shit?" He climbed over the back of the loveseat and sat beside her.

"As my angry husband, as much as you want, _and_ it doesn't have to be real!" She added and his eyes lit up.

"Ooh, I'm in!" He smiled and Renkotsu groaned.

"I don't wanna."

"Too bad…starting….now." Kikyou grinned. Kouga opened his mouth but was cut off. "The sex is blahh." She stated bluntly.

"Excuse you? I'm the best ass you'll ever get sweetheart." Kouga scoffed and Renkotsu blinked, not believing he was as into this as her.

"See, he even talks me down! Wont even bend over for me anymore." She muttered the last statement.

"I never bent over for you, you whore!" Kouga growled.

"Don't lie, you like it when I whip your ass." She rolled her eyes and he twitched. Kikyou held her hand to the side of her mouth to hide her lips from Kouga and whispered to Renkotsu. "I think he has erectile dysfunction."

"EW!" Renkotsu cringed.

"What? What'd she say? She's too scared to say shit _to my face_!" Kouga yelled.

"Because your nasty face isn't worth saying shit to!" Kikyou yelled back.

"Fuck you!"

"Fine, wanna know what I have to say about you? Huh?" She scoffed.

"Yeah!" Kouga glared and Renkotsu just watched.

"You're a piece of shit that cooks shitty steak and…"

"You can't even cook!" Kouga cut her off.

"Tch, and neither can you. Food all looks as black as Akon." She held her nose high.

"See what I have to live with? She's always making racial comments to me just because I'm black!" He pointed to her and faced Ren.

"Tch, I'm against this marriage because it's interracial."

"YOURE IN THIS MARRIAGE!" Kouga shouted and Renkotsu tensed.

"Shh, we have neighbors." He sighed.

"Well you lied to me and said you were Hispanic." Kikyou stuck her tongue out.

"Ok, you guys are getting really offensive…"

"I never lied to you, you fucking cunt!" Kouga snarled.

"You always lie!"

"You know…I did lie when I said you looked nice today!" He spat.

"I lied when I said I wasn't fucking..." She glanced around and looked up as Naraku walked in and waved casually. He went for the kitchen until Kikyou yanked him by the arm and sat him on the loveseat. "Naraku!" She shouted.

"Yo?" He blinked.

"I knew it you skank!" Kouga stood up and Kikyou did the same.

"Not my fault you were never good enough!" Kikyou snapped.

"What the fuck?" Naraku looked to Renkotsu who signaled for him to be quiet by placing his index finger over his lips.

"You just don't know how to keep your legs shut!" Kouga quipped.

"Not my fault he's better than you!"

"Am I the 'he' being mentioned?" Naraku scratched his head.

"You fucked my wife!" Kouga yelled.

"What?" Naraku arched his brow. "You aren't even married."

"So you didn't tell him? Huh?" Kouga glared at Kikyou.

"You weren't worth mentioning!" Kikyou growled. "You didn't even remember our anniversary!"

"It wasn't worth remembering." Kouga mimicked in a high-pitched tone with his hands and Kikyou slapped him. The room got silent.

"You know what? Fuck this…I could do better!"

"I'm pregnant with your kid and you're leaving?" She harshly poked his chest.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Naraku stood up, annoyed for being left out and Kouga glared and decked him in the face.

"Hey now…" Renkotsu sighed as Naraku lay unconscious on the ground. "Why don't you try sitting down and talking your problems out?" He suggested. They looked to each other, shrugged, and sat down. "Finally, now what bothers you both the most."

"The way she makes fun of me…" Kouga muttered.

"Kikyou?"

"The way he's so blah for a black guy in bed." She mumbled in the same tone and he sighed.

"You should try treating him better, same for you Kouga, and just have respect for each other." He sighed.

"I guess…" Kikyou sighed and leaned on Kouga, he stroked her back.

"So…we done?"

"You'd make a great therapist…" Kikyou patted his head and he swatted her hand away.

"Yeah, yeah, now both of you out."

"Say babe?" Kikyou looked up to Kouga.

"Hm?"

"Would you like to smoke with me?"

"Why yes I would." Kouga smiled and they walked out. Renkotsu sighed and gave up and went to the kitchen.

Why study when there was vodka to clear your head?

-

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.**

**A/N: Another off-the-top-of-my-head thing. Three of Kikyou's lines at the beginning about Kouga in bed are credited to BewilderedLoca. Please Review!**


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